Week 10 is here. Here are 10 top-10 lists of random things:
10 Questions for the Rest of the NFL Season
- Who’s the best team in the NFL? Is it the Rams? Yes? Is it the Saints? Probably? Is it the Chiefs? Possibly? Is it the Patriots? Maybe?
- Which teams are we sleeping on? It’s the Panthers, Vikings, Steelers, and Eagles. They CAN all win the Super Bowl. They’re the four teams that can do it besides the Rams, Saints, Chiefs, and Patriots. Am I missing anyone else?
- Is Le’veon Bell coming back this season? Why hasn’t Le’veon fired his agent? How the hell does he still have a job? They couldn’t have played this any worse. Remember when Elvis Dumerville’s agent fucked up? This is about 1000000 times worse. Do the Steelers even want him back? I’m sure they would like to have him back on the field, but at this point you just have to say, “Fuck you, Le’veon. We’re in first place without you, and we love James Connor.”
- Why hasn’t Jason Garrett been fired? Seriously, what else does he need to do to get fired? What does he have on Jerry Jones? Maybe a possible sex tape? It doesn’t pass the smell test.
- Who’s going to win the NFC East? The Redskins are 5-3 and in first place of the division. The Eagles are just a game back and the Cowboys traded a possible top ten pick for Amari Cooper. Fly Eagles, fly.
- Who’s the MVP? The top three odds according to BetOnline are:
- Patrick Mahomes
- Todd Gurley
- Drew Brees
- What team is going to suffer a crucial injury? Will they be able to survive it? Hopefully no one, but it’s football and it happens every year. The Eagles lost Carson Wentz last year, but Big D*** Nick came in and slapped his balls on the table and took the Eagles to the Super Bowl.
- Who’s going to get the first pick in the draft? The tanks are starting to roll, but what are teams in need of a QB going to do? The 2019 QB Draft Class looks worse than the 2007 NFL QB Draft Class.
- Which trade deadline player will have the biggest impact? Golden Tate? Dante Fowler? Demayrius Thomas? None of the above?
- Fake first half teams? Who flames out for the second half of the season? The Chargers? The Texans? The Packers?
Top 10 WRs in the League
- Antonio Brown
- Julio Jones
- Deandre Hopkins
- Odell Beckham
- Michael Thomas (you can honestly shuffle these TOP 5 guys in any order right now)
- AJ Green
- Adam Theilen (feels too low)
- Mike Evans (feels too high)
- Devante Adams
- Tyreke Hill
Top 10 NFL Coaches to Get Fired
- Hue Jackson- I refuse to believe he’s actually fired.
- Jason Garrett- He has a SEX TAPE on Jerry Jones.
- Mike McCarthy- If he doesn’t get fired this off-season, I will eat dog food.
- Vance Joseph- 100% getting fired at the end of the season. John Elway should get fired too.
- Dirk Koetter- Not sure how he’s still a NFL coach.
- Sean McDermott- Why do people even take the Bills job? It’s a death sentence.
- John Harbaugh- Somehow on the hot seat?
- Todd Bowles- What’s he supposed to do with that roster?
- Jon Gruden- I’m actually loving Part II of the Gruden run.
- Doug Marrone- My SNEAAAAAKY coach to get fired pick.
Top 10 Future Bets
- Duke Basketball to win the Final Four +500. They have the first three picks in next year’s NBA Draft on their roster right now. I feel comfortable with this pick. It’s too good to be true. If they lose, I won’t even be upset about it. The most talented team lost, oh well. It comes down to this: would you be more upset with yourself if you lost this bet or if you didn’t make this bet and Duke won? Exactly. Just take Duke at +500; it’s honestly too good to pass up. By the way, the last time I put in a Duke future bet, I cashed in on the 2015 National Championship Team.
- Boston Celtics to win the Eastern Conference +150. They’re still the best team in the East and they have the best coach in the East. It’s early, but they’ll figure everything out. It’s your chance to jump on it now. I’m also very tempted to take Kyrie MVP odds at +4000.
- Warriors to win the NBA Championship -165. $165 to win $100. Shouldn’t we all take this bet? The Warriors are going to win this year unless something CRAZY happens, as in DURANT AND CURRY get hurt. Risk $1650 to win $1000?
- Kyler Murray to win the Heisman +600. Tua pretty much has the Heisman wrapped up at -1000 BUUUUUUUUUUUUT look at Alabama’s schedule: home vs (18) MS State, home vs Auburn, AT (6) Georgia, and probably the SEC Championship game. Let’s say Alabama drops one of those games OR Tua struggles in two of those games OR *knock on wood* he gets hurt. Remember Dennis Dixon? It happened to him; he had that Heisman wrapped up and under his Christmas tree before he got hurt. Murray’s going to put up MONSTER numbers in the next three weeks in the BIG12. He has a perfect Heisman moment opportunity vs West Virgina in the last regular season game. And if they win that game and Oklahoma wins the BIG 12 to make it to the College Playoffs….I can totally see all this happening.
- Lakers to win the NBA Championship +3200. HAHAH I KNOW BUT HEAR ME OUT. Let’s say Durant or Steph gets hurt. They’ve had tremendous luck for the past four-five years. Maybe they’re due? Or let’s say Draymond gets hurt or two of their big four get hurt? Or Boogie destroys the team mojo when he gets back. And let’s say the Lakers swap Lonzo, KCP, and a couple of future firsts for Damian Lillard at the deadline. OR the Pelicans completely fall apart and AD forces his way to Los Angeles. IT’S CRAZY BUT IT CAN FUCKIN HAPPEN. THERE’S A CHANCE HERE THE LAKERS CAN WIN THE FINALS (don’t take this bet)!!!!
- Panthers to win the Super Bowl +2000 AND Cam Newton to win MVP +2500. I just don’t understand. Those seem WAY off, right? Can I parlay these two together? Wait a minute………hold that thought. ***UPDATE: JUST KIDDING!!!! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE PANTHERS LAST NIGHT?!?!***
- Clemson to win the National Championship +400. Clemson has a chance to knock off Alabama. Right now, it’s Alabama/Clemson and the entire NCAA. Let’s say you don’t think they can. You think there’s no way this Alabama team loses. Why not sprinkle some money on Clemson here and hedge your bet vs Clemson? I don’t believe in hedging; I think it’s a cop out. I think you should always RIDE YOUR FUTURES OUT, but you have options here. I can totally see Clemson’s line causing havoc and Trevor Lawrence balling out vs Bama. That Clemson team isn’t scared of Alabama, and DABO knows he can beat Bama. Alright before you read on, take a deep breath…you might pass out and we might become millionaires. CAN WE PARLAY PANTHERS SUPER BOWL – CAM MVP – CLEMSON NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP?!?! Hold on, I just did the math- it’s $100 to win $272,900?!?!?! Be right back, I need to call my financial adviser.
- Tiger Woods -220 vs Phil Mickelson. Tiger’s not losing this matchup, just no fuckin way. Full Alpha Mode Tiger Woods would kill Phil before he loses to him.
- Harry and Meghan weight of first child at birth over 8.5 lbs +130. This is an actual bet offered on Bovada right now. The average baby weighs 7.8 lbs at birth. The new royal babies were born weighing 8.6 lbs, 8.3 lbs, and 8.7 lbs. The newest addition to the family is also the heaviest royal baby to be born in recent years. Prince William was only 7.2 lbs and Harry was only 6.14 lbs. You don’t think little bro Harry wants his baby to weigh more than his brother’s babies?!? That baby is going to be EATING. I’m going with the over. C’mon you fat f***!!!!!!!
- Lavar – Kanye 2020 +500. +500?!?!?! We are all screwed. Just kidding, totally made that up, but you believed it huh?
Top 10 NBA City Jerseys (as of November 7)
- Miami Heat
2. Denver Nuggets
3. Brooklyn Nets
4. Chicago Bulls
5. Minnesota Timberwolves
6. Washington Wizards
7. Milwuakee Bucks
8. Charlotte Hornets
9. Philadelphia 76ers
10. Detroit Pistons
UPDATE: I HATE THE LAKERS JERSEY.
Top 10 Fast Food Items
- In-N-Out Double Double with Grilled Onion (whole)
- Chick-Fil-A Spicy Chicken Deluxe Sandwich
- Chick-Fil- A Spicy Chicken Strips
- Chipotle Bowl
- Canes Box Combo
- Del Taco Chicken Soft Tacos
- Popeyes Spicy Chicken
- Subway Chocolate Chip Cookies
- McFlurry with Extra Oreos
- Wendy’s Chili
Top 10 Underrated Things in Life, in No Particular Order
- Waking up without a hangover. This one might be a little over hyped now, but seriously, is there a better feeling? This feeling will always be underrated and under-appreciated. You never appreciate these mornings like you really should.
- Not going out on Friday night. I just worked a full work week and all I want to do on Friday night is go to sleep. I’m getting way too old.
- Rita Ora. Seriously so underrated. My top 5 Rita Ora songs:
- Your Song
- I Will Never Let You Down
- Let You Love Me
- How We Do (Party)
- Chili from Wendy’s. Don’t knock it til you try it.
- Hitting a sports bet EARLY. Hitting a bet early in the 2nd quarter is an amazing feeling. There’s no one smarter than you at that moment.
- Twitter. I don’t know how people live without Twitter.
- Uber. Can you imagine life without Uber right now?
- Venmo. How did people split bills before Venmo?
- Wireless headphones. We’re so God damn spoiled.
- Devastating sports losses. It sucks, but everyone needs to go through it. You need to go through a couple of devastating losses in order to truly appreciate the championships.
Top 10 Overrated Things in Life, in No Particular Order
- Marcus Peters. I’M KIDDING! I BELIEVE IN YOU MARCUS!
- Avocados. They’re good, but they’re not THAT GOOD.
- Fantasy football “experts”. Anyone that watches football can be a fantasy football expert. I could be a damn fantasy football expert if I wanted to. It’s really not that hard.
- New Year’s Eve. Just another night out with 10 times the expectation. NYE is always over-hyped for no damn reason.
- Turkey. Ham > turkey.
- PAC 12. I shouldn’t even include them in this because the PAC12 isn’t even rated. The last PAC12 NCAAF Championship? 2004. The last PAC12 NCAAB Championship? 1997. I AM EMBARRASSED.
- Game of Thrones. Sucks. Overrated. Nerds
- Tom Brady “Super Bowl/Clutch Performance” talk.” What is Brady’s Super Bowl moment? Here’s what jumps out at me from Brady’s Super Bowl wins:
- 2002: Tuck rule. Shouldn’t have made the Super Bowl. 16/27 for 145 yards and 1 TD…ok? Vinateri winning FG.
- 2004: Vinateri winning FG.
- 2005: Deion Branch game and TO coming back from a broken leg game.
- 2015: Seahawks blew it.
- 2017: Falcons blew it.
WHERE IS Brady’s Super Bowl/career iconic MOMENT?!?! Is it the comeback vs the Falcons? That’s more of a Falcons moment than a Brady moment, right?
10. Boston Celtics. ONE title in the last 31 years.
Top 10 Pieces of Advice from How to Be a Man, in No Particular Order
- Never stay out after midnight three nights in a row … unless something really good comes up on the third night.
- Join Twitter; become your own curator of information.
- Never date an ex of your friend.
- When the bartender asks, you should already know what you want to drink.
- People are tired of you being the funny, drunk guy.
- You probably use your cell phone too often and at the wrong moments.
- Staying angry is a waste of energy.
- Ignore the boos. They usually come from the cheap seats.
- Don’t gamble if losing $100 is going to piss you off.
- Start every cell conversation with ‘my phone’s about to die’ so people don’t waste your time.
- You don’t have to like baseball, but you should understand the concept of what a pitcher’s ERA means. Approach life similarly.
Top 10 Instagram Girls to Follow, According to @nolanimamura
- Helen Owen
- Sofia Jamora
- Dominique Elissa
- Hailey Baldwin
- Camila Morrone
- Anna Herrin
- Hannah Palmer
- Roosmarijn de Kok
- Olivia Culpo
- Danielle Grace
Whew, that was tough. My picks for Week 10 in bold:
Lions (+6) at Bears
Taking the Bears here is a sucker’s pick and I”ll tell you why.
Reason 1: Look at the Bears’ wins this season: Seahawks, Cardinals, Bucs, Jets, and Bills! They have a combined record of 14-28.
Reason 2: IF the Bears do take care of business, this has all the makings for a back-door cover game.
Reason 3: Mitchell Trubisky. I’m taking the Lions +6.
Saints at Bengals (+4.5)
Ooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh this is my upset alert pick of the week. Cincinnati has a high of 46 degrees on Sunday. That’s not COLD, but for a dome team from New Orleans, that’s pretty cold. The Saints are also coming off a big win vs the Rams last weekend and they just signed Dez Bryant. My Dez Bryant odds for this weekend:
- Dez Bryant TD +110
- Over 100 yards +5000
- Meltdown -250
- Dropped pass -500
- Comes out in a Cowboys uniform -800
PS: That Michael Thomas TD celebration was fantastic. 10/10.
Falcons (-3.5) at Browns
Why is this line only Falcons -3.5?? Let’s take a deep dive. Queue the Inspector Gadget music! Ok, I’m done. I can’t figure out why the Falcons are only -3.5!! I know the Browns are at home and you never want to bet against the home dogs, but these are the Browns we’re talking about! Am I a sucker for taking the Falcons -3.5?? Yes, but the Falcons need to win this game. They can’t afford to drop games they’re supposed to win anymore.
Patriots (-6) at Titans
I have one rule when I gamble: never bet against Alabama and never bet against the Patriots. I just don’t do it. I’ve been burned way too many times. Am I confident the Patriots will cover this spread vs the Titans? No, because the last time Belichick went against one of his former coaches, the Patriots got burned. Vrabel vs Belicheck. Brady vs Mariota. I’m taking the Patriots for those reasons.
Jaguars (+3) at Colts
The Jaguars are coming off a bye week they DESPERATELY needed. The Jaguars are 3-5, but look at the rest of their schedule:
- at Colts
- home vs Steelers
- at Bills
- home vs Colts
- at Titans
- home vs Redskins
- at Miami
- at Houston
The Jaguars can be the second half team of this season, rip through that schedule, and go 6-2 to finish the season at 9-7. 9-7 might be enough to win the division. Can you name another Colts WR besides TY Hilton? I can’t. Can you name a single Colts defensive player? I can’t.
Cardinals at Chiefs (-17)
-17?!?!?! I don’t think I’ve ever seen a team in the NFL lay 17 points. I need to double check this because there’s no way an NFL team is favored by 17 points. Ok I lied, it’s Chiefs -16. Can we really take the Chiefs -16 effin points here? We have to right? Especially since it’s at home. Especially since it’s vs the Cardinals.
Bills (+8) at Jets
Oh God, what a game. If the Bills and Jets combined teams and we called them the New York Bills, what would their record be? They would be a playoff team right? I don’t think the Jets are 8 points better than the Bills, but fuckin Nate Peterman is their starting QB. Darnold is going to miss this game with a foot injury which mean that the Jets are firing up a 69-year-old Josh McCown this week. I can’t believe I’m doing this, but 8 points is too much. Take the points when you don’t know. I’ll take the Bills, gulp. Is this the worst game in NFL history?
Redskins at Buccaneers (PK)
Bucs at home for the following reason:
Chargers (-10) at Raiders
Feels like one of these types of games – 1st Quarter Summary:
- Melvin Gordon to the left for 12 yard TOUCHDOWN run
- Derek Carr 14 yard pass -INTERCEPTED
- Melvin Gordon to the right for 6 yard TOUCHDOWN run
- Derek Carr 7 yard pass – INTERCEPTED
- Melvin Gordon up the middle for 4 yard TOUCHDOWN run
Dolphins at Packers (-7.5)
If you’re a Packers fan, aren’t you QUIETLY kind of worried about this team? Your three wins are against the Bears, Bills, and 49ers. If the Packers lose this game, Mike McCarthy is fired. But there’s just no way an Aaron Rodgers team loses to a Brock Osweiler team. Just no way A-Rodg lets that happen. This might be the game Packers fans go from, “Should we fire Mike McCarthy” to “We need to fire Mike McCarthy”.
Seahawks at Rams (-9.5)
I BELEIEVE IN YOU MARCUS PETERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MARCUS PETERS GAME WINNING/SAVING INTERCEPTION IN THE PLAYOFFS.
Cowboys at Eagles (-6)
It’s unbelievable how badly the Cowboys fucked this up. It’s no secret that underpaid quarterbacks on rookie contracts have become the most important building block in the NFL. The Cowboys had that and more in Dak Prescott who earned roughly half of what the Cowboys were paying their punter. The Cowboys Super Bowl window looked MASSIVE after their 13-3 season in 2016. They had the best line in football and two of the youngest stars at the QB and RB positions. But the 2016 Cowboys team couldn’t feel farther away. They failed to surround Dak with anybody who could be considered a weapon in the passing game, Jason Garrett remains the Cowboys’ coach, and Jerry Jones continues to treat the Cowboys like they’re Super Bowl contenders.
What’s next for the Cowboys? Will they get rid of Jason Garrett? What will they do with Prescott, who is eligible for an extension after this season? What about their defense? What about that potential top 10 draft pick they traded away for Amari Cooper? Will Jerry Jones get out of the way? The Cowboys are a dumpster fire right now.
Eagles -6?!?!?! I don’t like this bet, I FUCKIN LOVE IT. Here’s the thing- Vegas set this odd at 6 to sucker all the stupid Cowboys fans into this bet. “Hey we’re getting six points vs the Eagles? We always play the Eagles TOUGH! We’re Division rivals!” That’s what every Cowboys fan thinks of this line. Sean Lee is out for the Cowboys this weekend, shocker I know. Ezekiel Elliiot only has THREE rushing touchdowns this year, including ONE in the past six weeks. Jason Garrett is still the Cowboys’ coach. Jerry Jones is still the Cowboys’ owner. What else do you need? I think the Eagles win by at least two touchdowns at home on Sunday Night Football.
Giants at 49ers (-2.5)
Coin flip: heads I go Giants, tails I go Niners. It’s heads, alright Niners it is.
Last week: 5-5 (12-11 overall)