NFL Week 3 Recap: WTF Just Happened

Go home NFL, you’re drunk

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WHAT THE FUCK just happened???? Week 3 was absolutely bananas.  Total Chaos.  Was the NFL drunk?  Cause it felt like it.  A kick in the nuts.  I mean, did anyone win money this weekend?  There’s no way.

You want to know how fucked up Week 3 was?

Are you kidding me?  I swear to God there hasn’t been a weekend like this in the NFL.  EVER.

Bills vs. Vikings

deskbill

I mean, what the fuck?  Maybe the best team in football versus the worst team in football?  AND THE VIKINGS WERE AT HOME?  I can’t imagine being a Vikings fan, absolutely embarrassing.  The game wasn’t even close.  Josh Allen came in with his huge hands and rubbed his nuts all over Purple Reign.  The spread was Vikings -17 and the Bills won by 21!  Maybe it was a trap game (Vikings at Rams this Thursday), but I know one thing, I am stripping the title of “Best NFL Team” from the Vikings.

RIP to everyone’s Survivor Pool.

Chargers vs. Rams

rams

The best team in football?  The Rams and it’s not even close right now.  The Rams are absolutely destroying teams.  All three wins have been by double digits.  I even took a nap during this game- that’s how confident I was.  Stress free, chilling!  The offense looks unstoppable (30 plus points in all three of their games).  Is this the Greatest Show on Grass?  The Rams are the only good team in football right now (and the Chiefs).  Every other team looks awful.  I was nervous about Week 4 versus the Vikings.  What the hell was I nervous about?!?!  The Vikings looked PATHETIC.  Rams by 14 on Thursday Night Football.*

*Vikings will probably beat the Rams.  That’s how football works right?  You get crushed by the worst team in football and then beat the best team in football the following week.  Probably no Marcus Peters and Aqib Talib this Thursday, so I am actually a little nervous (no I’m not.  Rams by 14).

Giants vs. Texans 

NFL: Houston Texans at Kansas City Chiefs

I am officially worried about my first NFL coach to get fired bet.  Bill O’Brien has to be the favorite now.  The Texans are 0-3.  I don’t care what anyone says, this team should not be 0-3.  If the Texans lose this weekend and don’t fire Bill O’Brien, I will shit a brick.

PS:  Hue Jackson should be fired.

Patriots vs. Lions

NLAN2569.JPG

THE PATRIOTS STINK!  They just got embarrassed by the Lions on Sunday Night Football. I am loving this.  I am loving this.  The Brady versus Belichick rift is amazing.  News of the Gronk trade leaking out is hilarious.  The Patriots look SLOW and OLD.  Maybe Josh Gordon can save their season? HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

I am ready to say it:  The Patriots are DONE.  It looks like they lost their Patriot Way.  They STINK!!!!!

Patrick Mahomes

Fire.  Patrick Mahomes is fire.  The second play in this clip was RIDICULOUS.  Chiefs versus Rams in Mexico City is going to be FUN.

The NFL

The NFL needs to figure their shit out.  The penalty on Clay Matthews was awful.  That’s three weeks in a row now.  What’s he supposed to do in that situation?  Fight against gravity?

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